


Vermillion Coyote

by ofcorsetstrash



Series: The Red Wolf [2]
Category: Darths & Droids, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And Now For Something Completely Different, Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 15:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6333670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofcorsetstrash/pseuds/ofcorsetstrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selected scenes from Red Wolf, as filtered through Darths and Droids. This is pure crack, kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vermillion Coyote

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read the Darths and Droids webcomic... for the LoVE oF ALL ThaT IS HOLEy GO READ IT RIGHT NOW! It'll take you a little while to get all the way through it, since it's forever long (as of the posting, 1330 pages), but if you like Star Wars, you'll love it. If you like Star wars and RPGs, you will LOVE IT!
> 
> And if you' don't read Darths and Droids first (what is WRONG with you?????), just a heads up that there are a couple of spoilers for it. There's a big one for the end of Empire Strikes back, but if you don't know it already it's kind of easy to miss.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

 

GM: Plays all the NPCs and runs the plot. Well, insofar as the plot can _go_ with this group of gamers.

 

Jim: Qui Gon Jinn, Padmé Amidala, a series of ill-fortuned characters between movies culminating in _Greedo_ , and Han Solo. Always shoots first. Especially as Padmé.

 

Ben: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Chewbacca. Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Fanfic.

 

Sally: Jar Jar Binks, a crap-load of different characters she got bored of quickly during the Clone Wars, C-3P0 and Yoda. This girl is so awesome, she makes the phrase “Jar Jar, you’re a genious!” a phrase that can be spoken with absolute sincerity.

 

Annie: Shmi, Anakin Skywalker, Princess Organa (Leia Amidala), and Darth Vader. Loves herself some wickedly complex characters.

 

Pete: R2-D2. Fear his dice.

 

Corey: Adam Lars (revealed to actually be Luke Amidala. Goes by the alias “Starkiller”). Is still convinced that Wedge Antilles is a shapeshifting spy for the Empire.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

GM: Sally?

 

Sally: Yeah?

 

GM: I...I think I’m in love with your character sheet. This backstory is _amazing._

 

Sally: Oh, good. I put a _lot_ of thought into it.

 

Pete: Hey, everyone! Sorry I’m late! Work was crazy!

 

Jim: That’s okay.

 

Annie: We haven’t actually started yet. GM’s been too busy drooling over Sally’s character.

 

Pete: Oh?

 

Sally: I came up with a new character while you were gone. C-3P0 just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

 

Pete: Cool. Hope this one’s some fun to roleplay with.

 

( _beat_ )

 

Pete: What?

 

Corey: Are you...alright?

 

Pete: Can’t a guy get excited about some character interaction and dialogue?

 

Annie: Well...I _guess_. It’s just surprising, coming from you.

 

Pete: Well, I’ve turned over a new leaf. I want to try some of this... _serious character_ _roleplay_...stuff.

 

Jim: And you’re gonna do that with R2-D2?

 

Pete: Nah. I emailed in my new character last week. Did you get it?

 

GM: I did. And I have to say that I’m impressed. He looks really well-balanced. Interesting backstory, decent combat skills, but not overboard. You didn’t even give him any physical impairments. You’re playing a character that can actually talk and has arms. And is obsessed with giant weaponry. Has his own space dreadnaught bristling with atomic missiles. This should be...fun to watch.

 

Pete: Well, now I just need a way to get him into the story.

 

Gm: No problem, there. Everyone’s at a conference to discuss the Peace Orb with the New Republic Senate. There’s a party going on. It’s the perfect place to have both you and Sally introduce your new characters.

  


(A Short While Later)

  


Sally: I start flirting with the General. _Aggressively_.

 

( _beat_ )

 

Jim: Is she allowed to do that?

 

Annie: Well, Prince Amidala obviously takes after _both_ of his parents. I’m so proud.

 

Jim: Wait. What’s _that_ supposed to mean?

 

Pete: ( _flustered_ ) Um... I… what do I do?

 

GM: Respond in-character.

 

Pete: Is my character gay?

 

Corey: I dunno, is he?

 

Pete: I didn’t...think about that.

 

Sally: I run my hand fondly through the General’s hair.

 

Pete: Prince Amidala!

 

Sally: What?

 

Pete: That is...wildly inappropriate!

 

Sally: I rarely let the restrictions of society dictate my actions.

 

Pete: Well...but… Stop laughing, guys!

 

Jim: Can’t help it!

 

Annie: This is gold!

 

Corey: I will treasure this moment forever.

 

Jim: It’s probably a good thing Ben isn’t here to see this! Your General would probably have his arms ripped off by a polite Wookie!

 

Pete: I hate all of you.

  


(LATER)

  


Annie: (singing)

_They seek him here!_

_They seek him there!_

_The First Order seeks him everywhere!_

_Is he in heaven?_

_Or is he in hell?_

_That damn elusive_

_um... Red Wolf!_

 

Jim: You see, she’s a bit of a poet…

 

(beat)

 

Jim: And you… did not know it!

 

(beat)

 

Pete: So, Annie, how much are you going to rub in my face the fact that I don’t bother with musical theatre or classic literature?

 

Annie: Until you figure out exactly how badly I’m making fun of you.

 

Pete: On my next action, I’d like to call in a bomb strike on Coruscant.

 

Sally: We’re ON Coruscant.

 

Pete: I know.

  


(LATER)

  


Pete: So… I heard that you take after your grandmother.

 

Sally: Yes. Darth Vader casts a long shadow over my family. The path to the Dark Side is a constant beckoning. But with help from Uncle Luke, I have found the path to the Light.

 

Corey: You’re welcome.

  


(LATER)

  


Pete: How do you know I didn’t order the destruction of those planets?

 

Jim: Annie told me what I missed that session.

 

Annie: _Jim_ …

 

Jim: Oh. Right. Ummm… General Princess told me...and she knew because Prince told her, and _he_ knew because...he can read minds.

  
GM: *sighs in despair*


End file.
